Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Confessions of a teenage cocktease
I was a teenage cocktease. Don't hate me.
Early on, I discovered that men liked to look at me. Fortunately, when I was in high school miniskirts made a comeback, so I didn't have to wear those dreary calf-length skirts from the early 1980s. I like my breasts but they would never satisfy the monomaniac tit-man. But my legs...ahhhh...men love my legs. So I started dressing provocatively, although not, as my Mom said, like a slut. I also learned to flirt early and well.
I loved the attention. It didn't hurt that I was a cheerleader. So on game days, I would wear my outfit to class. The boys would literally twitch. I had a lot of dates, although they never went past heavy petting. Lots of my friends were hooking up and on the pill. But I was afraid and still pretty hung up from my upbringing. I also didn't want to end up pregnant and never get to college.
Older men noticed me. My father's friends paid me inordinate attention, listening to my callow opinions about politics and art and whatever. I realized the sexual flux, even if I didn't quite understand it. I wasn't above using it to get a favor. As I say, don't hate me. I left a lot of balls blue. One night my father took me out to dinner to celebrate my acceptance at a good college. I dressed to the nines in a little black dress, and he looked quite good in a suit. I realized the other diners thought I was his young mistress. What a trip.
I had an incomplete understanding of the connection of my actions and getting fucked, especially when I was in my teens. I got the link between male attention and the wet, warm achey feeling between my legs, the way my nipples would stand at attention. It was fun at a dance to feel the hard cocks pressing against me through the boys' trousers. Oh, making out, when a boy would stroke my inner thigh, I had a hard time putting his hand back to my knee. Later, alone in my bed, I would masturbate like crazy, feeling guilty all the time. I was also incredibly naive.
Once I caused a wreck. True story. I was walking downtown in a miniskirt, and saw this guy driving by oogling me. Then...bam! He smashed into the back of the car ahead of him. "Caution, professional cocktease, closed course!"
I grew up, lost my virginity and then some. I became a clothes horse and moved in sophisticated circles. But I still like to dress classy-sexy. I can still draw eyes at parties and make insecure wives flush with anger. And sometimes I remember times like the summer nights in college when I went without panties in a short skirt and shimmied up on a bar stool to let the men buy me drinks.
Sometimes it evens out. I don't look like I did even 10 years ago. Meanwhile, I know men who couldn't get a date when they were 20 but are now overflowing with desperate and desirable women.