Thursday, January 20, 2011

I want it on my desk, now!

I work in an environment that's very macho. Even the women who do that I do have to adopt the mask or be seen as weak. And part of the machismo is lots of sex talk and come-ons. No amount of sensitivity training, or the occasional banishment of an offender (like the one caught banging an intern in a supervisor's office) to, say, Afghanistan, changes the basic culture. I don't mind it, because I love to study sex, I like men, I can take care of myself and I hate PC shit. When people are in really stressful, dangerous jobs they need to blow off steam. But that's just me.

Ben desperately wants to fuck me. He's married, of course, and constantly complains about sex on the home front. His wife, Jennifer, is a mousy little thing and, to hear him tell it, only lets him fuck her once a month, always missionary style. "I bet you do every position in the kama sutra with those long legs of yours, Linda," he has said more than once. More than once, I have said, "I need a guy who has a dick longer than three inches, Ben." Which pisses him off. He's actually got big feet, but I won't fuck him. Too skinny. I don't typically go for blond men. And he's a graceless clod. (I also learned my lesson about fishing off the company pier with Mike, as wild and eye-opening as that affair was).

I did have an affair with Henry a few years ago. We were working very long hours alone and finally ended up fucking on a conference table, a very hot, very spontaneous thing. He's older and married. Maybe to his credit, he was beset with guilt and we only carried on a few more times. Sometimes I still give him a secret smile. I like it when nobody knows whom I've slept with.

We women talk about sex and men, too. Don't let anybody tell you differently. Sometimes it's sad. I had a drink with my friend Beth, who's a stunner, blonde, great body, in her early 50s but looks a decade or more younger. She's out of field work now, but smart, sexy. She's married to a very nice and attractive man, whom I've met. Anyway, over martinis, Beth said she and her husband hadn't had sex in two years (!). I wondered if she was having an affair. But, no. "I'm just not horny anymore," she said. God, save me from that fate. Sometimes women talk about the men they've shared; one particularly unfortunate lad was very good at getting his partners to give him head, in cars, wherever. But they started comparing notes and soon the entire unit knew that his unit was only three inches long.

We play a game out in the field: Would you sleep with (attractive man)? If so, would you sleep with (really unattractive man) to get him? I'm sure the guys do the same thing. When it's a mixed group, everyone tries to be careful, but it's, er, hard. Flirting and propositions are commonplace, especially among peers. Oh, if they knew my recent adventures as a cougar, much less with women. I tend to come across as quiet and bookish (and a very good shot).

In my wider world, where I'm just Linda who has a dull job at the Justice Department, things are less fraught with being accused of disclosing state secrets while getting laid. Bob and Tamara are both having affairs right now, and both apparently know. Tamara is my friend and she hates him for it. But she started it, seducing her boss. So they carry on. Holly's husband wanted to see her fuck another man, and after a long process, she did it. And really liked it. He enjoyed being cuckolded much less than he thought. Now it's a major stress in their marriage. I know: Sounds like a story out of the Kristen Archives, but this one's true. Holly have me a quite graphic account of the guy and the deed: He was quite the athletic, giving, well-endowed lover. Hubby watched, then stormed out when Holly started screaming and moaning the way she never did for him. Be careful what you ask for. Hubby looked really beaten down, that 5,000-yard stare, the last time I saw them.

Back at work, there's Susan, a young beautiful young thing who likes to project toughness, but she's incredibly naive. Also tightly wound and straight-laced. She's going through the sexist hazing right now and being propositioned. She strikes me as the type to report it and get us all in deep shit. I can see it coming now: New memos, and another sensitivity workshop.

I haven't been with Wendy in awhile, and that's fine. Every fling runs its course, and we're still friends. Not so with young Chad, who I kicked to the curb. So I guess I'm available.


LadyCopCheryl said...

Sounds like my shop, too. I'm older than you, now in command and nearing retirement. When I started, the atmosphere was really toxic for the few female police officers we had.

But the truth is, I came home every night wet and horny as hell. Our situation was different. We had a sergeant nicknamed "Foot" for how long his cock was supposed to be.

I did fuck him once, at my apartment, both of us on Code 7. Equipment belts, uniforms, etc. all over the floor, my legs in the air. He wasn't that big, but the biggest I'd ever had. It was uncomfortable at first, but really turned me on.

I told my boyfriend about it, and he was turned on and we fucked all night. I was tuckered out next shift.

JFBreak said...

I love all these juicy details of work related shenanigans and unfaithful women! Not sure how I stumbled upon your blog, but I'm having a great time catching up.

@LadyCopCheryl - it sounds like you have some stories worth investigating as well! Is there a blog?

Anonymous said...

So your available.... hmmmmm
You ever come up to Canada?

LadyCopCheryl said...

Linda Sue has the writing talent. Anyway, I'm an old broad now, but my husband and I still enjoy a great sex life, made better by this blog

BadGirlJennifer said...

Top this, twisted lurkers.

I enjoyed the guy's take on losing his cherry, as well as the poll on strongest orgasm. I lost my virginity at age 14 step-dad. It was also my strongest orgasm, way better than what I got on my oen.

He'd been eyeing me for a long time, and my mom and I were constantly fighting, plus I could tell their sex life (which I noticed) had gone to shit. One afternoon, we were alone in the house and he caught me in my bedroom masturbating. He came over to the bed and started kissing me, fondling me, and pretty soon his pants were off. I'd never seen a man's dick before and he was well hung.

I'd like to say I resisted and he raped me, but I happily let him fuck me. It didn't hurt at all and I LOVED IT. I did it partly to get back at mom, of course. How much $$$ in therapy did it take to realize that. And we kept at it off and on for two years until I left home.

So judge me as you will, but I don't regret it.

Scott said...


Does work ever bring you to Los Angeles? I'd love to make your acquaintance.

I can be reached at - or leave your email address here and I'll contact you.

Love the blog,


Anonymous said...

Jennifer, I don't know whether to be horrified or turned on. So I guess I'll be both.

Anonymous said...

It's always interesting to hear the different work dynamics at play. I'm in the military but the last 2 years I've been working in a new type of environment surrounded by lots of civilians. I work in a federal building and unfortunately all the employees around me are nearing retirment age and it's alomst an asexual environment... Linda, I'm very much used to the workplace you describe and I actually miss it! I am happily married and quite content but do long for a more entertaining office!