Monday, May 24, 2010

The limits of kink

Because some of you asked...here's what happened with Chris and me after our visit with his swinger friends. He was very messed up after his cocksucking episode. His usual dry wit and conversation turned into sullenness and long quiet periods staring at nothing. I could sympathize, remembering both the first time a boy had come in my mouth: the surprise, the feel and taste...and recalling the first time a man held my head down and pumped his semen into my mouth. Despite my efforts to draw him out about it, he didn't want to talk.

This from my friend who had been happy to arrange for a "strangers" gangbang (see here and here and here) for Linda Sue, and who reveled in seeing me make love with a woman. He also enjoyed my college tales about my first girl-love, Pam. Plainly the whole goose-gander equation was out of whack.

I never sensed Chris had a limit to his kink, but guys are different. It's one thing to see girls doing each other, maybe even being "bi-curious," as the ads say. Obviously it's another to do the deed in real life. For the rest of the visit, Chris seemed out to prove something. Every time we fucked, he gave it to me as hard as possible, often uncomfortably so. He wouldn't let me go down on him. And I haven't heard from him since he left.

Still, I have this delightful mental image of his expression as he was sucking Andrew's large, thick cock and then faced the moment of truth: ejaculation! Chris was a swallower. I was proud of him. And I think deep down, he liked it. If I were more adventurous, I might go back on my own. But I live on the edge enough.

21 comments:

Paul said...

I often think for men, the rigid societal demands "to be a man" limit the comfort of crossing the line. It'll take him a while to straighten everything out in his own head.

Anonymous said...

Same thing happened to my husband when we were swinging. He got drunk and went down on a guy. Later he FREAKED...started going to church. That lasted 6 mos. But we haven't swung since:-(

Caramella said...

I've often wondered what would happen if my parter was in the same situation. He's said that he would suck the *right* cock, but the consequences in the cold light of day may be too much to bear.

Steve Karmazenuk said...

Normally, I comment anonymously, but given the subject matter, I feel the need to reply.

Your man's story sounds similar to one I had, back in college. I had my first and only same-sex encounter; a confident, more experienced lover who, through no fault of his own, allowed me to realize that I was absolutely not into men.

Perhaps its a societal thing, I don't know. But to be sure, men are not raised to be as in tune with their sexual identities as women.

I was wracked with all kinds of emotional states for weeks after the encounter; having confronted my own sexuality head-on, challenged it and understood it truly was not something I had ever been prepared to do.

I can't imagine any man, gay or straight, who ultimately confronts is own sexual identity can find it to be an easy thing. But if your man allows himself to actually examine what he went through, gay, straight, bi or tri, he will come out the other side of this more in tune with himself than most men.

Bon courage, as we say in Montreal.

Jim Young said...

I have to agree with Steve. It's a lot to handle all at once, especially having taking Andrew's cum. I'm sexually bi, but more straight than gay. It will be a while before your young friend comes around. Be supportive or just silent while he figures it out. Most men are very quiet nad\

rocco217 said...

I'm just glad you posted--it's been almost a month. I needed my Linda Sue fix :)

Anonymous said...

It does take time. When I was younger, the thought of being with a man was off-putting. I had two girlfriends that wanted a MMF threesome, including me going down on the other man and I said, no.

As I got older and more experienced, my views changed. My wife, Marcie, let it slip that her previous lover had an eight-inch cock. Now, nobody's ever complained about my cock -- average size, big head. One girlfriend, who had only one lover before me said it was the biggest she ever had. She winced at first when I entered her, a major turn-on.

But I became quite obsessive thinking about Marcie taking such a big cock, and doing it regularly. Whatever her comments about size not mattering, she must have loved it. I thought about her getting fucked by that cock A LOT. I also regretted not taking my old GFs up on their desire for a threesome.

Meanwhile, at my gym over lunch, I paid more attention in the locker room. Guys' penises were really interesting. I noticed one man across from me. His cock hung down, thick shaft and big head. It was gorgeous. I could barely take my eyes off it. I arranged my workouts so I could get back to the locker room in time to see him shower and dress.

One day he caught me staring. So much for being subtle. He just smiled and asked if I wanted to go back to his apartment. I eagerly said yes. Once there, he took my face in his hands and french kissed me. I tried to draw back at first. It was strange feeling his shaved whiskers against my skin. Totally new. But he was a good kisser and my cock was hard. I went with it.

Pretty soon I was on my knees and had his slacks down at his ankles. That cock I had fantasized about was growing in front of my face. After some really good fellatio in my life, I knew what to do. I licked and flicked, took it in my mouth, caressed his balls. It was an amazing feeling when I took him in my mouth. I sucked and ran my hand up and down his shaft, over and over. His pelvis started shaking and he groaned, shooting a big load into the back of my mouth. I swallowed as fast as I could. It was thick and salty and tasted a little like split-pea soup (!). All afternoon, I tasted it in my mouth, felt that big glob of cum in my stomach. That night I fucked Marcie like a madman, imagining my friend's cock in her. Yeah, I worried about AIDS for awhile. And I didn't do it again -- I changed my workout time. I never knew his name. But I didn't want to die without having a man come in my mouth.

So am I gay? No. Bi, probably. I like to think of it as polysexual. If I could ever get Marcie to swing, I'd do it again.

Anonymous said...

I don't think it's as simple as the notion of what's good for the goose being good for the gander. In the case of male/female sexuality we're really rather different animals. It's been my experience that women, in general, are far more comfortable appreciating the beauty of the female form for what it is without any sexual overtones.

There are also clear differences when it comes to male perceptions of female bi/homosexuality as well. From a guy's POV, the idea of two attractive women together is simple math: if one woman is hot, two women is hotter. The reverse is obviously not true for the average heterosexual male. I can objectively asses another man's attractiveness, though I've never felt the urge to go down on another man's cock. I'm a bit turned-off by seeing two men kissing, much less engaging in homosexual sex. And yet my wildest fantasies involve me having sex with two women I know who are friends.

That naturally occurring disparity may well explain what you're seeing with Chris. Women are, perhaps by nature, more inclined toward same-sex actions and more comfortable with maintining their sense of sexuality after experimentation (or repeated longitudinal research, power to them). The feminine is often naturally attracted toward other feminine energies/forms, and socially most folks are accepting of that (if not outright turned on). Men, by contrast, are largely defined by their masculinity and for the majority of the male population that means heterosexuality. If a man engages in behavior that throws that foundation into question, you're looking at a man (like your friend Chris) who is faced with much larger issues about their fundamental sense of self.

Not that there's anything wrong with being gay, of course. I'm a supporter of same-sex marriage, and have several gay friends. What I'm on about here are the challenges associated with facing the basics of one's sense of self head-on. It's daunting stuff.

Thanks so much for sharing your adventures, Linda Sue! You sound like one hell of a woman.

his wife for now said...

ok, reading some of the angst ridden comments I feel a little (only a little! ) guilty of finding this HOT...This is almost the wake-up scenario my friend Jim had suggested I imagine as a way to take back the sense of control I lost at finding out my husband had placed an exploratory "hotwife" kind of ad behind my back....If we ever got to THIS point, him on his knees , me in control...yeah, i'd be the sluttiest hotwiofe he could ever dream of for a scene like that...HOT

Jenn said...

I have to agree: This is hot. But I don't agree women are more likely to be comfortable with women. I don't have any interest in making love to a woman, and none of my girlfriends to. There is a macho guy thing at work in their view of being perceived as gay, no doubt.

Chance said...

Speaking of macho and from experiece cock sucking by jocks is a dirty secret. Did it in college. Never told anyone. My wife wants a MMF but would never do a girl.

Mistress Danielle said...

I always enjoy reading your perspective. My hubby reacted in much the same way in the days after I took him with a strapon the first time. I think it took him a while to mentally process what had happened. But... he soon accepted the change in our sexual dynamic. More recently, my flirting and more with other men has created some issues. But we're working through that and I'm sure will emerge even closer.

Suzanne said...

Similar to Mistress Danielle, when my younger sissy hubby first sucked a lover's cock in my presence, it was alot for him to process. I could sense that "she" enjoyed it. Once they admit their actual enjoyment of the act....it changes the whole dynamic. In my case, for the better!

beautyoftheyear said...

As much as I am down with group sex, I gotta say that I feel sorry for Chris. I am not sure what was running through his mind. If my man started sucking another man's dick, I would run. But I have to say, kudos to Linda Sue, you must be a persuasive lady.

Anonymous said...

Extremely interesting topic/discussion. I've always been very curious about cock and always fantasize about an encounter w another male. Yet, something holds me back. What happened with Chris could, I think, happen with me. I fear how I'd react to actually doing it.

I've had phone and web cam sex with men, and it was great, but even then I felt nagging regrets. I imagine that I'd feel far worse if I sucked cock. Some things are best left to fantasy.

spankablebob said...

The first time I really sucked a cock it was in a threesome with a good friend and his wife. She "coerced" me to say the least, since she wanted to watch us get it on. Anyway, trust me, it is kinky, liberating, submissive, hot, and nasty, to do that with a woman there encouraging you.....

More men should have this experience with an open minded woman at their side......

Anonymous said...

Bob, I agree (I left the comment right before yours). If a woman urged me, I think I'd do it. Something about a woman's "approval" on the act, perhaps. I've wondered if getting into the right kind of MMF situation would be just what the doctor ordered for me.

spankablebob said...

Approval or coercion from a woman are both helpfull to get a man to suck cock for the forst time. After that, you may realize that you enjoy it and can do it without the presence of a woman.

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Anonymous said...

I sucked cock for the first time last year, at my wife's urging. She would never do a MFF, but was very turned on by MMF. As someone said, it was nasty, in a sexy way, a turnon. The new and scary thing is how a man reacts to you differently from a woman. He takes control. Gotta get used to that part. Weird power shift, but hot. Loved swallowing cum, have to admit.

Anonymous said...

I am not gay and would never allow a man to kiss me, but I would love to see what it is like on the other end of a blowjob, especially in a MMF.