To me, a "cunning linguist" is the foundation of a good lover. If he doesn't want to give oral sex, and good oral sex, we don't just not have a future — we don't have a present.
But, based on conversations with men friends and readers, not all women are this way. Indeed, some won't allow their lovers to go down on them. In a few cases, she will give good head — but doesn't want to receive.
Over the years, I've had many conversations with girlfriends about this topic. It's led me to offer these reasons why these women are reacting the way they do.
Some are very sexually repressed. They were taught by their mothers that "you pee down there," and their private parts are somehow dirty and off-limits. Certainly to a man's (or woman's) mouth.
Another reason is control. Nothing is more intense than an orgasm from oral sex. Some of these women have told me they don't want to let go that much. They're content with less-intense vaginal orgasms (although mine are explosive, a rarity) or no orgasm at all. These women aren't very highly sexed to begin with, to paint with a broad brush.
A good many had bad experiences with men who went down on them. The men were inept or selfish lovers. When I have an orgasm from a man's tongue-worshipping, I want him to know how to sense how much is too much, or too little — and this changes over the course of the oral love-making.
Finally, some women simply aren't very responsive. For a variety of reasons, they either can't have orgasms or never learned how. The background here can range from the psychological to physical causes.
If your girlfriend fits into these categories, my advice would be to run away. It won't get better, especially if you like the full menu of sex. If she's resistant to receiving oral sex, there will likely be other no-go zones and the sex will die off once she has your commitment.
If she's the love of your life, be prepared to be patient. Try to get her to talk about why she doesn't want oral sex. Can you live with it if she doesn't? I couldn't. But everyone's different.
10 comments:
I never let my boyfriend go down on me... just too embarrassing. My boyfriend told his sister and she approached me about it. She confided her lesbianism to me and pleaded with me to let her initiate me. The idea turned me on like never before. Sis shaved, fingered, dildo'd and tongued me to a new level of excitement. She stopped before I climaxed and said my first oral orgasm should come from her brother. I begged and begged but she wouldn't complete our session. I quit dating her brother and now all I can think of is her lips wrapped around my clit just one more time... she is so beautiful and my clit aches for her. mmmmmmmmmmmmm
My wife never enjoyed me going down on her for years. One day, when on holiday, our kids asleep in another room, she came out of the shower and I tried again. I don't know why, but she gave in and she had her first orgasm through oral sex. Now she loves it as much as I love going down on her. I could stay down there for hours, but once she has an orgasm, that is it for her. So, sometimes, women who can't, later can.
Excellent observations, good narrative. As an older man who had prostate surgery years ago, my main expression to women is to "go down on" them. My experiences parallel your discussion. Every woman is different (most are wonderful) and, of course, different at various stages of estrous or menopause. I have encountered women who do not enjoy oral sex. I think your reasons stated for this are on point.
The most erotic kiss I ever received, and I shall never forget, was when one of my "bi" girlfriends went to work on another girl, got her off, and then came up and gave me an extremely passionate French kiss. It is impossible to describe except maybe it was like licking a sweet pussy that licked back. Amazing!
You are so right. I thought my wife would change after we got married. 30 years later, she still wont let me go down on her.
Ive never had an orgasm until this last weekend. my brothers soccer team spent the weekend at our house... I was watching them poolside when I became really hot. I took off my bottoms and sat pool side waiting... one of the boys saw me came over and started licking my clit... they all gathered around and I was jacking and sucking as they took turns on my slippery clittery. they ended up gangbanging me to an untold number of orgs but when they forced my brother to go down on me I came so hard I pissed all over his face... he drank a gutful and then sucked on my phole until I came again... I just couldnt get enough. Now its all I can think of. I woke up this am with a cliterection that will not go away. Im going to show my dad... maybe he can help.
Truth. As a man who has only been in a few relationships, my most serious was with a woman who wouldn't allow hands below her waist and almost immediately had anxiety the few times she allowed me to perform oral. I never got all the details but it was a mix of shaming about that area and abuse from a parent, it was the avatar of a lot of underlying trust and shame issues that ultimately made having a relationship, sexual and otherwise, impossible.
Love to see your still with us! Hoping for more stories. I check back every couple weeks, always with fingers crossed.
I hate oral sex. Why? Because its too much direct stimulation to my clitoris. Im not "sexually repressed" or whatever else you think. I love sex and i orgasm regularly. Actually my sex drive is much higher than any of my partners. However I'm extremely sensitive and things like oral and vibrators are too much. I prefer more indirect contact, and only at the point of orgasm can i usually tolerate direct clitoral stimulation.
To warn someone to "run away" from a woman who does not enjoy oral sex is ignorant. As is your percieved knowledge of women who don't enjoy oral. Of course all of the reasons you mentioned are valid, as they do happen. But I'm not a rarity.
Bs
She mentioned above that too much stimulation is a reason and she is not saying they should just avoid woman like that all together. She is saying that if a man wants that in a woman it's not likely that they will change.
Thank you! Cant believe the author talks about women being ashamed as one of the sole reasons, yet is attempting to shame women into doing something they maybe just dont enjoy. I prefer a vibrator that i can control or no clitoral stimulation at all. Doesnt mean im broken
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