Tell me your naughtiest true story

You've been reading my true adventures for years. Now it's your turn. In the comments section, tell me your kinkiest, most shameful, forbidden, secret sex adventure. The only rule is that is has to be true.

I'll kick it off with this letter from a reader:

It was in the winter of 1981.  I know this because I recall it was about a month and a half after John Lennon was shot in NYC.  As project manager I was finishing the construction of a large industrial furnace in the Mobile, Alabama, area.  The job was complete except for the trial shakedown phase and turning over to the customer.  It had been a long job and my crew had returned to Houston with the exception of one technician, a young man named Tim (I don't remember his last name) who was about 15 years younger than I was.  At that time I was 38 years old.  Tim was a diminutive young dude about 5'4" or so and weighed maybe 130 pounds.  For that reason he had the nickname "Munchkin".  We had both been away from without a break for at least two weeks and it was Friday night and we were scheduled to drive the company truck back to Houston the next day.  (It could have been Saturday evening/night but it was one of those two days.)  I was also separated from my wife at the time.  Tim had a girlfriend (young with a nice body).  I knew Munchkin mostly from work and had never done any partying with him, but I knew him well enough to be comfortable around him.

Mobile is often warm or at least temperate in February and this was one of those nights, somewhere in the mid-50 degree range.  Of course the sun went down early, so the nights were long.  Downtown Mobile had some interesting bars and at least one brothel in '81.  The brothel was called the "55 Club" because you went into the bar on the ground floor and talked to the girls.  If things were "right" between you and the lady, the bartender was handed $55 cash and that got you the basic service upstairs above the bar.  The standard fare was a blowjob or straight vaginal sex.  Anything "special" would cost more and was negotiated directly with the lady.  Tips were expected and regular customers were known to be either good tippers or cheapskates.  I had visited the place two times (I think, might have been three, but I didn't have a lot of cash) just to keep my seminal vessels drained.

In any case, after Munchkin and I got some dinner, he, mostly, wanted to go downtown and get a blow job.  He was emphatic that he needed some relief.  So I drove to the 55 Club.  Just as we pulled into the parking lot, a station wagon with three girls pulled in and as we got out of the company truck (the truck had a magnetic sign on the side which we had removed and put behind the seat) and shouted at us in so many words that they were hooking and could give us a better deal than the 55 Club.  All we had to do was to follow them to the Quality Inn (might have been the Best Western) on the Airport Road.  So we took off following them for a ride of about 5 miles.

When we got to the motel parking lot, the girls climbed out of the wagon.  We were all wearing light jackets except for one of the girls who was wearing a long lightweight overcoat.  She opened her coat to reveal a plump round preggo belly and she said with a laugh:  "I got caught."  One of the girls was tall about 5' 10 and the other two about "standard" height, say 5'5 or 5'6.  I am about 5' 8 which makes me on the short side and I really like tall girls, so I kind of wanted the tall one.

As it turned out, the tall girl, who let's say since my memory is not absolute on this, called herself "Joy" and the other non-pregnant girl called herself "Pam."  I'm sure that those were not their names, but who cares.  The preggo girl never said her name, or I don't remember.  When we got to their room it became immediately obvious that the tall girl, Joy, wanted the Munchkin.  She was about the same age as the Munchkin and was almost gushing over him.  Later she purred that "He's so cute, I just want to take him home."  The senior girl and the one that made it clear that she was obviously in charge and the leader of the group was Pam.  Pam informed us that they had some VIP customers coming by at ten and that we would be on a schedule so as to be gone by then.  This was her way of making clear that we were not going to have anything but a one-pop date.  The preggo girl said:  "I'm tired of watching people fuck, I'm going to the bar" and she left the room.  Drinking while pregnant was not quite so onerous in that day.  

 

Pam it turned out was about two years my senior and so Tim and I placed our $50 each in Pam's hand and we all got undressed.  The room had two standard sized beds with a nightstand in between.  There was a table and a sofa at the far end of the room next to the window so it would have been described in the day as a "business suite"  Pam and I had a brief talk (we were more than a decade older than the Munchkin and Pam and therefore a little more compatible.) and mostly I remember that she professed a liking for heroin.  I had some experience with drugs, cocaine, weed, ludes, speed, and some knowledge of acid, but I had never seen any heroin.  She surprised me, but she seemingly was not holding and that was the extent of the conversation.  Much later I wondered if the 10 o'clock appointment was her connection, but then again maybe they didn't even have one, although Pam's actions seemed to indicate that it was a fact.

As we got undressed, I noticed how really attractive Joy was.  Joy at about 5' 10 had beautiful legs and she was very pretty.  Nice petite breasts, trim with a great complexion.  Pam was average in most every way but she was soft, warm and I was happy enough.  (I have often thought how things would have turned out if I had chosen the preggo girl; it crossed my mind at the time but only in passing.) Pam and I got onto the bed closest to the bath and I went down on her.  Pubic hair was in vogue then and hers was neatly trimmed with a sweet tummy.  As I best recall she had a nice pleasant taste and and after a while she sighed with a little quiver and said "I've had enough of that" and gently lifted my head and invited me to mount her.  On the way up I noticed that Joy was giving the Munchkin a blow job and I figured (so wrongly) that he would pop his load any moment.  So I climbed up slipped inside my lady and in what seemed too short (always) I busted my nut.  I remember saying, "I'm coming y'all, I'm coming."  Condoms were not generally used in that day and I don't remember Pam being exceptionally wet on entering her but my cum certainly slicked her up.

Pam lead me to the bathroom and washed my dick in the sink.  This was noticeably old school even for 1981 and I was pleasantly surprised by this.  I was wondering if she was just keeping me in the bathroom so nature could run its course on the other bed.  She handed me a towel and picked up one of two douche bags, this one was white, that were laying across the tub and proceeded to fill it with water from the tub faucet.  It split down the middle on one of the side seams.  She cursed just a little and informed me that it was two years old and had served her well but could I go ask Joy if she could use Joy's red bag.  (I just now wondered what the preggo girl had if anything, there were only two bags in sight.)

I stepped back into the room and Joy and the Munchkin were going at it missionary style.  All this time I never saw Munchkin's dick, just an average looking pair of balls bouncing in his nut sack.  Pam came right behind me from the bath and I don't remember exactly how but she got the pair to get into doggy with Pam sitting Indian style on her knees behind Munchkin.  I was standing between the beds close to Joy's head which she had placed on top of her forearms so her ass was sticking up.  Munchkin, too, was on his knees, going in and out.  I noticed Pam began to play with his nuts from behind.  I saw her reach between her legs with her right hand and get some slick stuff from her pussy.  At the time I didn't think about my cum still residing in her snatch.  Her hand reached towards the Munchkin's ass.  Suddenly he got a "deer in the headlights" look on his face and went almost catatonic.  I didn't think much at the moment about Pam slipping into his ass and rubbing his prostate.  I just was too busy being still and watching him have a killer orgasm.  He didn't move hardly at all, he didn't groan, or even seem to breath hard, he just was frozen while his auto reflex involuntarily took over.  Even as exciting as this seemed, a wonderful, rich aroma wafted up from Joy and Tim's crotch area.  It was an amazing scent of sexual fluids being blended which I had smelled before but never so intense or so overwhelming.  Even though my gear had been drained, this odor reached my lizard brain and set my primal libido into an almost aroused again mode.  Wow, that was cool.  I noticed Pam had remained motionless during the moment and was very still just sitting behind.  I glanced down at Joy's face and a sly smile came across her and she said, "That's a BIG load!"

Pam guided the Munchkin off the bed and lead him into the bath.  He looked completely spent, somewhat shaky, and like a little sleepy puppy that mommy dog was pulling back into the den.  He was compliant in every way.  Pam asked Joy if she could use her douche bag and Joy said yes and slipped off the side of the bed.  She started around the foot of the bed towards the sofa area and said: "Damn, it's running down my leg, get me something."  Her voice was not imperious, more of distress.  I looked and down her beautiful right thigh, a silver white ribbon of jizz about 4 or 5 inches long was drooling on her skin.  It stunned me for just a second as I contemplated how totally erotic it was.  I then hastily went back to the bath and got a wash cloth.  Pam was washing the Munchkin's pecker just like she did for me.  I was just a little jealous that I hadn't filled my lady to the overflowing point like Tim.  Ah, youthful production!  I took the washcloth to Joy and she shoved it into her crotch.

Tim and I got dressed and as we left, of course, we had to pass by the bathroom door.  Both girls were sitting side by side on a towel on the edge of the tub with their legs inside the tun.  Joy's red douche bag was hanging from the shower curtain and the hose disappeared between her legs.  We exchanged pleasantries and departed.  It was sort of sentimental to see the girls enjoying their feminine moment with the shared douche bag and the silver streak.  It capped off a great adventure.  We badass males got our vesicles tapped and again the pussys were prepared for the next draining.

 

Women who don't like to be licked

To me, a "cunning linguist" is the foundation of a good lover. If he doesn't want to give oral sex, and good oral sex, we don't just not have a future — we don't have a present.

But, based on conversations with men friends and readers, not all women are this way. Indeed, some won't allow their lovers to go down on them. In a few cases, she will give good head — but doesn't want to receive.

Over the years, I've had many conversations with girlfriends about this topic. It's led me to offer these reasons why these women are reacting the way they do.

Some are very sexually repressed. They were taught by their mothers that "you pee down there," and their private parts are somehow dirty and off-limits. Certainly to a man's (or woman's) mouth.

Another reason is control. Nothing is more intense than an orgasm from oral sex. Some of these women have told me they don't want to let go that much. They're content with less-intense vaginal orgasms (although mine are explosive, a rarity) or no orgasm at all. These women aren't very highly sexed to begin with, to paint with a broad brush.

A good many had bad experiences with men who went down on them. The men were inept or selfish lovers. When I have an orgasm from a man's tongue-worshipping, I want him to know how to sense how much is too much, or too little — and this changes over the course of the oral love-making.

Finally, some women simply aren't very responsive. For a variety of reasons, they either can't have orgasms or never learned how. The background here can range from the psychological to physical causes.

If your girlfriend fits into these categories, my advice would be to run away. It won't get better, especially if you like the full menu of sex. If she's resistant to receiving oral sex, there will likely be other no-go zones and the sex will die off once she has your commitment.

If she's the love of your life, be prepared to be patient. Try to get her to talk about why she doesn't want oral sex. Can you live with it if she doesn't? I couldn't. But everyone's different.

My 30th birthday present

When I turned 30, my main boyfriend at the time was a theater guy: tall, wavy dark hair, athletic in the sack, horny all the time, very well read and an expert flirt. When he came over to my apartment that night, he said he had my 30th birthday present. I expected him to hand me a wrapped gift. He had something much more memorable in mind.

After we finished martinis, he asked me to put on my high-school cheerleader outfit. I happily complied. It still fit perfectly. By today's standards, it was demure — pleated skirt, sweater. But I have to admit, I still looked sexy as hell in it. "My god, you're beautiful," he said. He brushed back my hair, cupped my face in his hands, and began passionately kissing me. I was already starting to heat up as he ran his hand up my knee to the inside of my thigh, and then I felt his finger pry aside my damp panties and lightly stroke my clit. I shivered and moaned, grinding against him — all the time he was kissing me — until I came.

"That's one," he said, somewhat cryptically.

"Fuck me," I pleaded. "I want you inside me.

He picked me up and carried me into the bedroom, gently depositing me onto the bed. I watched as he stripped off his shirt, slacks, and underwear. His hard cock dangled in the shadows. I opened my legs, my skirt spreading on the bedclothes, as he climbed on top and I guided him inside, feeling him fill me up. He was in no hurry, slowly sliding inside. I raised my knees and wrapped my legs around him as he fucked me, first slow, then going faster, deeper. My feet were starting to burn. My moans led into sharp screams as two orgasms overwhelmed me. He raised my legs over his shoulders and was instantly deeper inside. Another orgasm. He was smiling as he pumped into me, slow rhythm, then suddenly fast, deep strokes, then shallow, then deep again. His arms went down to pin my legs against his elbows, and he fucked me like a maniac.

"Let yourself go, babe," he said, a wide smile on his face. As if I hadn't already.

"Fuck me!" My voice was somewhere between a cry and a moan. I tried to fuck him back but he had me totally pinned down as his hard cock went in and out, again and again. My hands ran through his hair, gripped his shoulders. I came again and again, colors streaking the edges of my vision. The usual sounds of traffic outside my windows were lost to me. Then he let out his own cry and pushed into me. I felt his semen filling me. After a few minutes, his cock slipped out and he untangled my legs. I thought he would collapse beside me. Instead, he undressed me, tossing each garment to the floor after examining it, stopping to sniff my panties.

The room smelled of sex. He gently ran his tongue over one nipple, then moved it in circles, and finally started sucking. The sucking became very hard but I loved it. He moved to the other breast and did the same thing, while holding its twin in one hand. Next parted my legs and started sucking my toes. It felt fantastic. I was like a tuning fork, vibrating all over, whimpering almost uncontrollably. I felt his mouth kissing up one leg, pausing at the knee, then moving inside my thigh. I was about to come again when me merely brushed his face against my pussy and started all over again with the other leg.

He was driving me crazy, teasing me. Then I felt his tongue lightly tracing the lips of my pussy.

"No grinding," he said, pulling back. I tried to relax my hips and his tongue returned. I reached out and he met me with his hands. Our fingers intertwined. My entire pelvis caught fire and I heard myself scream again, sharp, sudden. I don't remember every moment after that, only snatches (pun intended): he would tongue-fuck me, going deep inside; his finger stroked my perineum while he licked my pussy — this pushed me over the edge again and again; him playing me, pulling back to lick my vulva and then suddenly hitting my clit again (another explosion); the way he used the facets of his tongue against my pussy, the tip and edges and full on; his ability to know exactly when to be gentle and when to push me over the edge again... My legs were noodles, draped over his shoulders.

After a very long, amazing time, he climbed back on top and started fucking me again. As he French kissed me, I tasted our mingled juices. I was pretty useless, just pulling my legs up naturally and letting him do the work. It was sweet and unhurried and soon I felt the burn coming yet again as I let out a hoarse scream. After he came, he took me in his arms and held me for a long time.

"That was one to grow on," he said. Yes, he had given me 31 orgasms that night.

I have girlfriends who come one and they're done, and a sad few who can't come at all. I always knew I was unusual in being a multi-orgasm girl — and a screamer, naturally, not any theatrics; I can't help myself. When I've told that story, they can't believe it. But it really happened. And I slept the best that night of my whole life.

Size queens and fellatio

In praise of big cocks. I've had a few. Some guys think all they have to do is show up; some well endowed men can be duds, while a responsive, caring man of average size is just fine.

Still, my big boys love it when I get them really aroused, unspool all that cock and then start madly sucking the head and glans with my mouth, while running my hand in a corkscrew motion up and down the shaft. As I increase the urgency of my moves, even the most taciturn guy will start moaning. He knows I want his come.

A well-endowed boyfriend would tease me by calling me a size queen, and it's true that I love a big package. He was a thick eight inches (an honest eight, not just a come-on line). It was a joy just to see and appreciate. I could tease the shaft, glans and head with my tongue, just like any cock, but there was more of it to work with. One girlfriend told me she had a boyfriend who measured 12 inches, and she could only suck the head while giving him a hand-job!

But I'm not a one-note Linda. Every penis has its appeal (although a girlfriend once complained to me that her fiancee's unit was less than three inches; the engagement eventually busted up). Give me thick and average and I can be in heaven. I can get him all the way in my mouth. After the requisite licking, kissing and teasing of his cock, I can start sliding it in and out as I suck, going all the way down, in a way I can't with a larger dick.

It's true that I was once taken and face-fucked by a big dick. He rammed it into the back of the throat, while keeping a tight hold on my head and hair. I had no choice but to take that dick all the way. The surprise and the emergence of my latent submissive side were exciting. But I also thought I was going to keep gagging and just pass out. In general, this is bad manners, to say the least.

Big dicks don't always produce the most semen...and you know I am a girl who not only loves to swallow, but loves big loads. My first high-school blowjobs were guys with average dicks...one with a big helmet of a head (ahhhhh...) and the other with a thick shaft and the head a little smaller (yes, I remember them vividly!). But how they came! I really felt as if I was sucking their taut young balls dry. Yes, youth has its benefits.

So size isn't everything in fellatio, but it doesn't hurt. Most of all, give me an appreciative man, who knows he's getting this wonderful gift from me.