Saturday, June 7, 2008

Thoughts about that ideal lover

As the poll indicates, most people want a lover with experience...but not too much. I've been discussing this with some of my male and female colleagues.

There is that group that wants a virgin they can teach how to fuck. One male friend actually got that and it seemed to work out well for him. "She kept telling me, 'teach me how...'," he said. So she enthusiastically learned how to suck cock and swallow. She asked him to fuck her in the ass. A number of women friends talked about the older men who taught them the moves -- even if they weren't virgins, they were very inexperienced -- and they were eternally grateful. One man told me how he was initiated by a woman 10 years his senior. Of course the danger is that the virgin won't ultimately like sex. And, she just doesn't have the moves of someone who has had several lovers. This is what I don't get about the "stay a virgin until you're married" thing -- how do you know you will be sexually compatible. My sister and her husband fall into this camp.

The very experienced carry ghosts and baggage with them. I had girlfriends tell me that they loved the skill of their experienced lovers, but they couldn't bear to think about how the men had acquired it. That green-eyed monster of jealousy.

For the ones who get off with their long-time spouse and partner - you're lucky (if you're being honest). I like variety and edge and change. I was a cute young thing as a virgin, but I was probably a lousy lay. (Once a boyfriend told me he got off just by looking at me as he fucked me -- he meant it as a compliment). It was only with multiple lovers, different moves, men (and a couple of women, yay!) who would challenge me and push me out of my comfort zones, that I became who I am. But I don't think I have filled a phone book, not by a long-shot.


Bacon said...

We happen to be one of those couples we still get off with each other after 22 years together - and yes, we're being honest! :-)

We have, however, found that we do enjoy the variety, edge, and change that you mention. So much so that we've discretely opened the sexual aspect of our marriage to others. It's something that we now agree is a fun and exciting way to add yet another dimension to our relationship.

I guess you could say we have the best of both worlds now! ;-)

btw - just recently came across your blog and am finding it quite enjoyable. Thanks for sharing!

Shay said...

I happen to have a weakness for guys who are virgins - they are just so sweet and eager and excited and greatful. If you ever really want to feel appreciated, hook up with a virgin. They are also blank slates: no bad habits picked up from trying to please someone else who might have different preferences than me.

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