Thursday, June 14, 2012

Cunnilingus Avoidance Syndrome

Girl walks into a bar. She has a drink with another girl. The talk turns, as it often does to sex. I'll call her Megan and she was having trouble with her boyfriend. It was about licking her pussy. He wanted to — she didn't want that.

Now, Megan is twenty years younger than me and looking at her is pretty depressing. I still look good. Men still look at me. But this night all eyes were on her tight little body, long legs in short-shorts, perfect ass and small, pert breasts. She could have been me at that age. But the difference is that I've always loved cunnilingus (I hate the term "eat her out").

Yet I have run into this before, including in emails from both male and female readers. Some women just don't like receiving oral sex. Megan says she likes sucking her boyfriend off and swallowing his load. But she doesn't want him to be "down there," and it's become a source of tension.

I have two theories:

1) Some women were very fucked up about sex by their parents. "Down there" is a dirty, sinful place. It's where you pee! I heard all this from my mother, but it didn't stop me from loving cunnilingus, especially when I discovered lovers who were really good at it ("cunninglinguists).

2) Other women don't want to lose control. The more I talked to Megan, I think this was her issue. When a guy (or woman) really licks me well, I have violent orgasms, ones that put me out on the dark side of the moon. It can be so intense I've even ended up crying afterward. Yes, guys, this is one reason you should hold a woman after making love to her.

I'd be interested in your theories and experiences with this in the comments section.

15 comments:

Michael said...

What you say is so true LS. I believe you have nailed it. And it is such a waste ... a lovely pussy to be attended to, with pleasure for both. But ... life's not always perfect, is it?

Mike said...

so, pretty lady carrying a Glock, did you take her home and show her how it really should be done???

Linda Sue said...

Sorry, Mike, I didn't. Not that I didn't think about it. And at that moment, I had my SIG Sauer P229. You gun boys :)

Week Bi Week said...

There can also be:

3) shame instilled from previous partners who gave the impression that they viewed cunnilingus as a chore, burden, or unpleasant task.

4) extreme sensitivity paired with a roughness greater than the recipient can handle.

Deb said...

All those things werre me, until I got a very caring, very patient lover. I was slowly willing to trust him...and wildly attracted to him/horny for him and willing to take a chance. He really took his time. OMG!!! And, yes, he held me tight afterwards.

Anonymous said...

LS: Why P229 > Five-seveN?

I have a P229 and not a 5.7, but I'm interested in any reasoning you care to share.

With respect to the post, I think you've correctly nailed "dirtiness" and control as lead issues. The object of my desire not infrequently stops missions into that territory or expresses disbelief it's a joy rather than a chore. The secret seems to be building a care-abandoning level of desire first. Well worth the effort.

Linda Sue said...

I have a Five Seven, too. It depends on the assignment (and my mood). Girl's gotta accessorize.

Anonymous said...

There is another reason, also related to control, but not in the manner you indicate. I had a woman tell me she did not want to receive oral sex because it made her feel dominant to a man, when what she wanted was to be submissive.

Anonymous said...

She was meticulous about her bush, carefully trimed, fragrantly scented and waxed....But she squirmed and wriggled away when I moved to lick her...She was adamant about not allowing oral sex. She later admitted that she was ashamed of her pussy ---"How awful it looked and how bad it sometimes smelled"

Anonymous said...

a woman who doesn't like oral sex? can you say I S S U E S?

best to run away before you discover the rest of what is wrong with her.

Anonymous said...

I will opine on this one...

I have seen the control issue being the most common hangup in this area. I actually had one lover afraid she might urinate due to oral.

But another seems to be if they ever had an odor or other issue with their privates. Like something medical happened before they are sexually active ... they appear to worry about their privates being "dirty".


On weapons:
I have an FNX9 with Frangible ammo... yes I know it's not very "cool kid" but I like being different. Oh... and hammer clicks are good in my line of work too.

Community Activist

Anonymous said...

A woman with control issues still has issues, and it is easier to just find another woman instead of messing around with damaged goods.

Trust me on this.

And who needs all the fancy guns? A good Colt 1911 does everything.

Aulë said...

Nobody mentions that its important for the lady to shower or bathe first... or is that a given in this column? My wife (code-named Yavanna) and I love to shower together before making love anyway. As far as holding... my 50th birthday and our 10 anniversary intentionally fall on the same day, we celebrated a week ago. We held off on intercourse two months just to increase the emotional impact as we wanted to re-enact our wedding night, and we practiced sensate focus in the meantime. When the night came, we gave each other everything we had: I gave her oral, stage 3 focus, and stop-start intercourse all in the same hour. Yavanna had a chain of orgasms during the oral, and then when we finally connected we had a thunderous climax together... we both blacked out for a second or two. I think something got broken, because as we started cooling down she started crying and sobbing. I asked, are you sad, did I hurt you? She said no... she said she couldn't describe why she was crying. So of course I just held her tightly for a while. Who needs guns when you can use empty hands and focused ki?

Ninez said...

I admit it. I am female and don't like oral sex. However, as my reason hasn't been mentioned yet I have to chime in, and my reason is...he's just crap at it. He drools and slobbers all over me. I like to cum hard and fast, but he's really into the smell and taste of me, so he lingers, going slowly until I'm just bored and waiting until he's done with me. And, even though he's always harping about how we have to communicate, he takes SO MUCH OFFENSE when I tell him he's DOING IT WRONG that I just give up. I love him in other areas, so I just let it go. (I know - so wrong, but oh-well.)

Anonymous said...

Only had two women out of thirty-two who didn't care for cunnilingus. Both were adamant about it and never did change their minds. In fairness, I only dated them for less than a year each so didn't get a whole lot of time for mind changing. I did have a few women who weren't exactly thrilled the first time I started the act but (very) quickly warmed up to the idea. You can tell when a woman has 1.) Never had a guy/gal who is any good at it do it for her. 2.) Is afraid to tell her lovers what she really wants and likes. There was one woman who was just so utterly sensitive she couldn't really deal with it for very long and almost never had an orgasm from clitoral stimulation even with a vibrator. After combining penetration with stimulation she could orgasm but always preferred cunnilingus as an 'appetizer' rather the act to bring her to orgasm. Not coincidentally methinks she was also the woman who loved anal penetration the most.